Men Behaving Badly - AKA - Bad Boyz
Posted on | March 29, 2010
What is it with famous men lately? I don’t get it, really I don’t. I mean, it’s not so much that they are screwing around on their wives; it’s that why do they think it’ll remain private and that the press won’t devour every lurid detail?
It’s the new “outing”. A coming out of the closet for heterosexuals.
So David Letterman had affairs with his interns.
So Tiger Woods grabbed multiple asses and gave a stiff1 and rehearsed apology stating that he thought he was deserving due to his fame.
And finally Jesse James who screwed around on “America’s Sweetheart” with women who just scream, ” Welcome to Syphilis-ville! POPULATION: YOU, ME AND FOUR HUNDRED AND TWELVE OTHERS”2
Is it really any of our business? Do we really have to know all the sordid details and hear the voice mail or read the published text messages? And it’s not just on the slime-ridden gossip shows where you expect to hear it. It’s pervaded the legitimate news, tucked in, neatly, between the Iraq war and America’s health care.
Shouldn’t it be between the couples, mud-stuck in the swamp, and their marriage?
So now not only does Sandra Bullock have to deal with a husband who, willingly, threw out his vows (whose love and fidelity she so unfailingly declared in public multiple times); she has to deal with the media galloping through every crumpled bit of minutia to cement her total and complete humiliation. Embarrassing to say the least. Do you think she’s thinking, “Uh-oh, me dumb.”
What about the Senator from the states lie about hiking in the woods but secretly going off to Argentina to bang his “soul mate” leaving his wife to sit slack-jawed in front of CNN, hearing the revelations as we hear it. John Edwards who, while his wife was battling cancer, decided to have an affair, then sire a child - AND THEN LIE ABOUT IT, only to come clean at the end.
How can they think they won’t get caught? Do they believe the media and the public are that stupid? We’re just looking for the next story to distract us from wars, pestilence and disease and all the bad stuff that gets us paranoid about taking the subway or sitting on public toilets. Swine flu pandemic, anyone?
I’m sure that there are those who welcome the latest snafu of high powered celebrities who take the focus off their problems and potential fuck-ups. I wonder if Justin Timberlake is wiping the sweat from his brow and heaving a sigh of relief, “Another day and no gay rumours. Go get ‘em Tiger!”
You just want to scream at them, “DON’T TEXT MESSAGE! THAT SHIT WILL COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU!”
Remember the good ol’ days with Oliver North and his shredding of documents? Makes you hearken back to a simpler time.
I guess what really confuses me are the Women who are practically falling over themselves to billboard, “I slept with a married man too!” Now in David Letterman’s case, the Scarlet Woman tried her best to keep it silent and have an air of privacy but those who bedded Tiger and Jesse seemed almost proud to be one of many. It’s almost like a “Twilight-Robert Pattinson” fan club of tweens who can’t wait to form a club to show their devotion to hormonal teenage vampires.
“You like red licorice?? I like red licorice. Let’s be friends!”
There was even one mistress of Tiger Woods’ who said she came forward because she thought she was the only Woman. Well, the only Woman OTHER than his wife. (Insert shaking of head and incredulity.)
Aren’t they at least, remotely, ashamed of being the other woman, knowing full well they’re destroying a marriage?
Was it Monica Lewinsky who gave them the pride of being the other woman?
And on Monica Lewinsky, she may not have saved text messages or emails but why did she save that dress with Bill’s sperm on it? Did she think, “One day I’ll get this dry cleaned and be the BEST Bride’s Maid?” or was it more that she thought, “A HA! EVIDENCE!”
I still think she played the innocent when she was in full faculty of her plotting. I can’t help but imagine she was working for the Republicans.
After that whole debacle, she managed to get a multi-million book deal. Are these new, up-and-coming-harlots thinking the same thing?
Piece of advice, Ladies. Before you can write a book, Honey, you have to be able to READ one!
It’s almost as if they almost wear their cheating prowess’s as a badge of honour. Welcome to the new pride parade. All these women (and some men) walking down cordoned off streets waving flags of deep purple and shouting, “Hell no! We won’t go! Oh, you’re with Entertainment Tonight? My left profile is better. Wait, the lighting isn’t right.”
Does anyone really want to read the story of Michelle “Bombshell” McGee and how Jesse got together to destroy a marriage?
I’m more scared that it would be a pop-up book that could take out an eye. Well that and that I might need a penicillin shot and a shower with a good scrubbing after reading it.3
Though I heard that Playgirl offered Jesse James half a million dollars to pose naked. And, yes, I’d buy that copy. But only because I’m a curious gay male who happens to think he’s HOT! (And I hear he’s got a huge cock!)
And now it’s being rumoured that he’s got more than the Bombshell notched on his bed post. That there are possibly three others and that he was having unsafe sex with them.
Can you even begin to think what is going through the newly crowned Oscar winner’s mind? I’m sure it’s, “Time for a blood test.”
Why are we making hero’s out of people who, a hundred years ago, would have been stoned to death?
And it’s not just the Women in the centre of these minor-distracting-mini-dramas who bear the brunt of this blame. It’s, rightfully and equally, these husbands.
Maybe it’s just these men who can’t seem to get enough power-tripping. Or maybe it’s that they’re so insecure about WHY they’re in the positions of money and influence that drives them to it. Either way, they’re asses.
So to Hillary Clinton, Regina Lasko, Elin Woods, and Sandra Bullock. I’m sorry that some men seem to just think with their dicks. But I’m even more sorry that the public has the need and salivating, disgusting, desire to ravish every part of your personal lives.
I’d say be strong and burn your bra but mostly I think you should just kick them in the nuts.
They won’t want to fuck around after that.
- apparently not the first “stiffy” he gave to a plethora of super-model-wanna-bees [↩]
- I just shake my head at that one. But I don’t have a penchant for overly tattooed Women with big tits. [↩]
- is it just me or do you think that penicillin is very close to the word penis? [↩]
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2 Responses to “Men Behaving Badly - AKA - Bad Boyz”
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March 29th, 2010 @ 8:11 am
I want to play Vanity’s “Pretty Mess” for Monika one day.
“ooh, well there’s such a pretty mess,
you made such a pretty mess of my dress”
March 29th, 2010 @ 2:05 pm
But really, WHY did she save it? I mean…it just makes you wonder.