Mother Was Right!
Posted on | August 23, 2009
This weekend has been a trial, to say the least.
It’s been five weeks1 that I had to put Rufus down and today, August 23, is the fourth anniversary of my Mother’s death.
A kick in the pants to say the least.
So this weekend I was reminded of both and that’s because I was in the city of my birth AND I was dog sitting.
Now the two dogs I was care-taking were awfully cute. One of them reminded me of a smaller, hairier Rufus. He wouldn’t leave me alone. Wanting to sleep with me, sniff me, lick me and all round love me. It was tough. How did he know it’s what I needed?
But being in the place where you grew up? On the anniversary of your Mother’s death? Pretty wild.
Of course there was no choice2 of driving by the house where I lived 22 years. It was the only home I’d ever known.
But what REALLY reminded me of my Mother was driving to the suburbs. She usedto commute by bus to the city. In the mornings it would take her 2 1/2 hours and in the evening 3 hours or more.
It was all because she didn’t want to pull us out of school and as she would say, “I keep the house to leave to you kids.”
So I saw the bus she used to take and her words of wisdom came flooding back to me.
“Follow the bus. They know where they’re going and they get their faster.”
For the first little while I did. Then, thinking I was smarter, tried to get past it. ?BIG MISTAKE. That big ol’ bus passed me and got to it’s destination faster than I did.
I just had to smile.
She was right. She always was.
Anniversaries have become a different monster in my life. I’m remembering the letting go of people and the date rather than allowing the newness to shine through.
Is that the curse of living a long life? The rememberances of those from the past?
Either way I didn’t feel sad. Mostly I felt a calm surrender. Like an acceptance of what is to come.
Life ends. For all of us. Life is terminal.
It’s not to be feared or mourned but an inevitablity. I don’t fear death, now dying on the other hand SCARES ME TO DEATH! Is that redundant?
Mother? I miss you. Still, to this day. Four years later and I still am tempted to dial your phone number; even though I’m sure it belongs to someone else.
Rufus? My companion. My friend. I miss you too.
I’m a lucky man to have you both in my life, even though our time together expired.
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August 24th, 2009 @ 12:46 am
Rufus is so cute in that picture. Sorry he’s gone, I can’t imagine losing such a close companion. I’m glad you got a doggie-fix this weekend though
December 29th, 2009 @ 3:15 am
Like I wrote some time ago in my blog “kitty tears come in threes” they are most certainly on loan to us.
Rufus I’m certain was your left leg, your soul infuser during the weak times, and a cold nose first thing.
I cannot fathom anything more painful than saying goodbye to a trusted and loyal friend. Yet, as unfathomable as that seems, I have before, and will again, indeed, say goodbye.
God keep Rufus, and through your life, may his warm kisses be felt against your tender cheek my dear friend.
Dave.