"And We Shall Call It Canada!"
Posted on | September 7, 2008
We are here. Arriving at another election.
Ugh!
Stephen Harper1 is calling an election for what he deems necessary but if truth be told it’s more because he’s afraid that a Democratic sweep south of the border would probably reflect a Liberal win north.
So let’s talk about the candidates.
Stephen Harper: The Conservative Alliance and Current Prime Minister
He seems to me to be someone constantly sitting on a pin. He has this Hitler haircut that drives me nuts. Let’s talk about his sheer and unadulterated anal retentiveness. I mean seriously, in this picture alone it looks like he could take a chunk of coal, shove it up his ass and pop you out a diamond. He scares me, to be honest. If he ever got real power I think he’d be dangerous. He flung Canada out of the Kyoto accord, which made us ALL look like flip floppers. He’s been flinging money left right and centre and how conveniently JUST before he calls an election? Almost like George Bush senior when he took all the money out of Education then right before put it all back calling himself “The Education President.” My fundamental feeling is that he should get a minority because I think if he get that power base he’ll say “fuck the environment”, “fuck equal rights”, “SLASH AND BURN BABY!”
Jack Layton: Leader of the New Democratic Party 
He’s a good looking man but really, doesn’t he have the personality of a frying pan? A good looking one at that. I mean don’t you just want to scream “FUCK AN INTERN FOR CHRIST SAKES! Just do something other than spew out regurgitated and rejected Obama speeches. “We will invest in solutions…” What the fuck does that mean? Really. What the fuck does that mean? Nothing. The N.D.P. are like the Kurds. They have no friends. And the air that comes out of him is akin to a pin hole leak on a balloon. I mean the N.D.P. has about as much relevance as a blind seeing-eye dog. Sorry Jack. I’d fuck ya but I wouldn’t vote for ya.
Gilles Duceppe: Leader of The Bloq Quebecois
Well poor Gilles. He’s feeling more and more like the kid brother who’s never invited to play hockey. I mean here is a guy who belongs to a party that wants to break my Country up! Non, non, non, non! I just got back from the Laurentians where I met many fantastic and spectaculaire people. I may not speak French so well and I may not even live in “La Belle Province” but I’m a Quebecois at heart! Quebec gives Canada class. Oh and he’s so angry. How sad to be so well dressed and so bitter at the same time. I mean TABARNOUSHE! TABAROUETTE! You just know he’s trying desperately to invoke the spirit of René Lévesque but he’s more like René Simard; only not as cute and talented! Though I will say this: He has FABULOUS hair and I love hearing all of his irrelevant speeches in the Commons. Keep it up Monsieur Duceppe! In fact, I’ll come and help you dig your hole.
Stéphane Dion: Leader of the Liberal Party
If there was ever a perfect example of the word, “white - toast”, Monsieur Dion is it. Now I’m a Liberal by nature. I have been and always will be a Liberal. I believe in the “middle of the road” and while they don’t have the best track record of being up front and honest, I’ve come to realize that no politician is without sin. In fact, most are slime-ball, fuck wads who are self serving jerk offs. 2 I mean doesn’t he look like Harry Potter all grown up with a gaze that makes you wonder if he’s thinking about the current topic at hand or he’s recalling his last bowel movement. It’s not about his English which I certainly can’t criticize him for because it’s better than my French, it’s not about his years as a Cabinet minister for a majority government that went down in flames, it’s more about his blandness. Now, in all fairness he might be Jerry Lewis in French but it’s just lost in translation. Here’s a piece of advice Monsieur Dion, pull a Trudeau and flip someone off, conjure up Chrétien and strangle a passerby. I mean for God’s sake…You’re a Liberal AND you’re French; it’s in the blood. It should be natural to be a Lion not a Lamb. If I could have either you or Joe Clark to dinner, I’d pick Joe cause I know I wouldn’t fall asleep.
Let’s face it, with all due fairness to Stephan Dion, none of these guys exactly define “life of the party!” but it’s who we’re stuck with. I just hope that whoever wins it isn’t a majority. Those in Parliament I’m sure would love to disagree and have you ever watched the Parliamentary Channel?
I’m not sure I’m watching Politicians working on our behalf or kids screaming during recess in an upscale private school. I’ve met eight year old’s who understand the rules of fair play better than most of these adults.
Politics has become less about doing the actual job and more about posturing and getting in the best “dig“.
So Gentlemen, for God’s sake, no hitting below the belt, commit to your stance and come out fighting.
- or as I call him Stephen Herpes as he JUST WON’T GO AWAY!! [↩]
- I’m looking at you Toronto City Councilors [↩]
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2 Responses to “"And We Shall Call It Canada!"”
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September 16th, 2008 @ 10:51 am
Loved the commentary … which is the less of all these evils ?? Im with you and hope we DO NOT have a majority government !! Peace
September 16th, 2008 @ 12:11 pm
It almost makes you not want to be registered to vote. Honestly, I’ve flushed things down my toilet that held more interest to me.
(thanks for making a comment :))